Depressed!

I am so damn depressed right now. I have lots of problems and things that I need to think about. All the while I thought I was happy...but deep inside me, I am not. Things are really getting a lot more complicated for me. I know this is supposed to be a blog where I could share all the things I can/want to share but it's really hard. But let me start...

Mom had just recovered from her surgery. She had a cyst in her left breast and the only way to get rid of it is to have it removed completely. She felt bad about it...but she doesn't have any choice. Anyways, I tried to be strong...I never showed my mom that I'm in pain seeing her suffer...which I am so damn good. Yet, it felt not right to me. I am so damn affected by it. I love her...I love her so much. She'll have her 1st chemo on the 15th and I can't go and be there for her since I have work that I can't leave. I feel so bad...but I can't do anything.

I have a special someone who is in Hawaii right now. Let's just call this person, Love. We are going to celebrate our 4th year Anniversary this coming May 24th. Our relationship isn't as good as before. I don't know if Love feels the same way...I have found out that Love is still seeing the Ex...I felt mad. I felt like I was betrayed. But I just ignored it and still kept our relationship. Since then, I started meeting other people...which Love is totally aware of. I tried to make Love feel jealous...I dont know if it is/was effective. But its just making my life worse and complicated. I really dont know what to do now...I have lots of things to say here but I cant...its really quite complicated!

Anyways, if you are reading this...please do send me a message and give me an advice. I am totally lost...just by reading this blog, I know for sure, you'll agree.